3 Things You Must Do To Have An Effective Conversation LIFE CLASS Style!

"How Do I Be Transparent?" is one of the questions I hear the most as I teach parents how to better relate to their teenagers as a teacher and parenting consultant.  All of my parents are very open to the notion that in order to connect with their children they need to start a conversation.  They need to not only share how they feel about an issue but they must be willing to allow their child to share how they feel about the issue as well.  Once the child shares how they feel, the parent must be willing to accept what the child is saying as truth. So many times, the parent wants to influence the child's opinion that the child eventually stops sharing their true thoughts and feelings with their parent. (Which is why teens love talking to their friends.)  If a parent is going to use the strategy that Oprah is so effectively doing in her Life Class with the subject of fatherless sons where thousands of viewers were able to begin their own healing process because of the way Oprah and her panel discussed the issue, then you are not going to be able to only have a conversation with your child; you must be transparent and have a purpose for the conversation.

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When I talk with teens, I am honest and I share with them at least one story from my past. This story from my past isn't some random story, but I choose the life experience that is most relevant to the situation at hand.  If there is no purpose to your transparency or if the story you select is random and not suited for the situation, you won't be able to get highly effective results.  There are three things that every transparent story should have in order to be a highly effective story that will bring you and your child closer together.

#1. SHOW VULNERABILITY! Teenagers need to see their parents vulnerable at times. It's a temporary moment where you are not the "I know it all parent." You are the parent that feel things emotionally just like your child. I have noticed that this serves as a problem for the mother and the father but in different ways. With the father, they are more likely not to show any vulnerability because of societal pressures to be "The Man." This destroys the intimacy and affection that the chid is looking for. With mothers, it is the exact opposite. Mothers sometimes show too much vulnerability that puts a child in a situation where they hold back on saying the honest things they want and need to say about the situation in hopes to make their mother feel better. It's too much emotion and the opportunity for meaningful conversation towards healing is lost.

#2. ADMIT A MISTAKE!  You do not have to be perfect. It's a lie. We are not perfect. Our children already know it, so we can admit mistakes that we make.  Even if its just a thought of worry, doubt, or admitting that you seriously messed up. Admitting to our children that we made a mistake releases the pressure off them and gives them an environment where they can be honest. No one wants to make a mistake. We all want to be perfect, but when a parent is able to say it's okay, and  here's a situation I was in and I didn't make the best choice, you will be surprise on what that can do for a child.  When sharing a story and being transparent, be certain to include some mistakes you've made either in thought or in deed.

#3. BE ON TOPIC! If we are honest with ourselves, we have a plethora of stories to choose from that we can share with our child, but when there is a problem and we are having a conversation to promote healing in the relationship, the story needs to be carefully selected and put together. The story that you share with your child needs to be directly related to the issue at hand. If the problem with your child has to do with a disconnection between the two of you, then share a time in your life where you disconnected from someone or thought about disconnecting.  If the problem with your child has to do with suspect of drug use, then share a time in your life where you or a close friend used drugs or thought about using drugs without ever asking or accusing them of using drugs.

Depending on the situation and history, your child may not come around during the first transparency session, but having the conversation will certainly plant a seed in solid ground that will begin the healing situation for you and your child.

I found a note yesterday from a student I taught last year.  Although there was no name on the note, I know who wrote the note because of the handwriting.  This young girl lives with her mother and has been homeless with her for a spell.  She writes often in her journal about their relationship and how difficult it is for them to get along. They both say hurtful things to one another and often times she is very disrespectful. Her mom doesn't know what to do with her and no matter what, they seem to get in an argument at least once a day.  The father hears what's going on and naturally wants custody of his daughter, and many people hearing this story would think it's the right thing. But my student wants to improve things with her mom. She wants to be with her mother.  It says so in the letter I found.

You can read a copy of my student's letter at www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens and if you haven't liked the FB page be sure to like it and share it with your online friends.

I'm starting a new adventure my friends to help more and more young people have stronger relationships with their parents.  Stay tune to find out how you can be a part of the solution to this much needed issue that thousands of parents and children are facing in society today. There are so many adults with broken relationships with their parents now with the responsibility to have a healthy relationship with their own children. Broken people break people! Hurting people hurt people! I have taken the challenge to bring healing to this problem so that healed people may heal others. Want you join me? To find out how you can help email me at shiradillon@gmail.com and type the word HELP in the subject line.

To get more information on the type of stories to share with your child in order to have your own "Life Class" experience and better relate to your child, grab my new self-help book dedicated to teens and beneficial to adults. Inside you will be able to read numerous transparent stories that show vulnerability, admit mistakes, and are categorize by topic.  Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues takes you step by step through many true stories shared by me and the students I have worked with. It is a perfect example of Life Class in action with helpful tips to bring you towards the conversation you need to have in your own parental relationship.  Go to www.amazon.com/ShiraDillon and get your copy TODAY!

Stop! Read! Help! It's Your Turn Today!

Welcome to my new blog.!!! My name is Shira Dillon and I am a high school teacher in Los Angeles, CA. This blog will explore the mind and life of teenagers today and help adults better connect with them. Please come by often, add me on google+, or subscirbe so you can receive these bogs by email.

As a high school teacher, I come across students who feels that they are in crisis daily.  Being an educator is a job where I have to think on my feet fast and do whatever it is necessary to keep as many kids on the right path mentally as well as intellectually. 

In today's blog, I have included an assignment I received from a student, and I would like to know how you would handle the situation. I am hoping that today you will accept the challenge and share your expertise and quck thinking with the rest of us by leaving a comment.  If not, as long as you take the time to think about how you would deal with this situation if this was your child, neice, cousin, etc.

For those higher ups that beleive that education is all about teaching for a big test, then they need to think again.  I currently watch the show Blackboard Wars on the Oprah Winfrey Network, and truthfully I'm not fazed by what I see.  In some cases, that school is doing better than many schools I have worked in. One of the major problems with education is that many of the prevelant issues are the ones that are not being dealt with.  For years, these issues have been swept under the rug, and now we are living in a time period where the rug is touching the ceiling.

I believe that it is our duty to do our part, no matter how big or small, to help the young people today deal with their issues, problems, and/or crisis.



Student Journal:

Why did I need it to be born? Why did I need it to come to this world?  I hate my life! So yesterday I went home afterschool and everything was fine until my sister screamed at me b/c she didn’t ask for chili cheese fries, she asked for regular fries and she was screaming in my face telling me that she didn’t ask for chili cheese fries. She told me that she texted me saying regular fries and all this shit and I even showed her the text that she send me it didn’t say nothing about what she said.  Well that happened. So we went to pick up my mom and they called her saying that they send a paper with me that they need to sign.  My mom asked me to hand it to her and I did. It was a paper that has my grade for Algebra and I had a lot of F’s because I don’t do my homework, classwork, or quizzes.  She got mad and she didn’t sign it.  After that she told my sister if she wanted to go to the store with her and my sister said yes. It pissed me off cause she didn’t even asked me.  Well they took forever to come back from the store. I went to bed early like around 7pm and I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. I was crying and crying and I couldn’t stop b/c I feel like they don’t like me and I felt like leaving the house. And well my mom and sister came and my dad ask them what was wrong with me, that why didn’t I go with them to the store.  My  mom told my dad what was happening and that’s when my dad came in my room and took the covers off me and screaming at me and I got mad and he was like hand my your phone and all this shit.  I hand it him my phone and they left to the living room and my dad was talking all this shit saying, fuck you , that I get him mad and all this shit. I started crying even more.  But before my mom came I started grabbing my neck trying to choke myself.  Because I didn’t want it to be here in the first place, I wanted to kill myself. Well this is what happened to me. I need to talk to someone that would understand me and well right now I’m not talking to my parents.

This is the reason why I started this blog.  This is what goes through the head of many teenagers each and every day. This whole idea of being in denial that its not our child or a teen we know doesn't feel this way may help our conscious temporary. But as the "Elephant in the Room" gets bigger and bigger, it gets harder and harder to pretend that teenagers don't have major problems.

The whole notion of killing herself startled me the most.  When I was in 9th grade there was a classmate of mine who killed herself because she felt that her mom loved her sister more than her. She really killed herself.  All while I was wishing I had a mom period! She was always well dressed, with her hair and nails always done, and yet in her mind, suicide was considered so much that she actually made it hapen.

It is time that we begin to really talk to our teens, and if they cannot talk to their parents then that is where aunts/uncles, cousins, and friends of the family come into place.  It does take a village to raise a child.  Join me and become apart of that village.

Shira Dillon is a high school teacher in South, Central Los Angeles.  Shira has over 15 years experience working with teenagers and is an expert with helping them and their parents deal with teenager issues. Ms. Dillon is the author of the book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues that true stories from the authors life, as well as true stories from teenagers and how they dealt with their problems.  The book also offer helpful tips and information to help anyone who's ready to expose the elephant in the room.  For more information about the book go to www.heyiwantthatbook.blogspot.com  And don't forget to like my FB page www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens to unite with me to help public education become a better institution of learning. Our children need it!