After the Not-Guilty Verdict...Will Things Change or Will There Be More of the Same?

I have received several inboxes asking me my opinion concerning the verdict in the Trayvon Martin/Zimmerman Case. While I have my opinions, my mind is on a form of action.  What are we doing to be the CHANGE we want to see in this world? Actions truly speak louder than words, so while the news is fresh, I will read statuses of disappointment and awareness.  And as I search for a silver lining in this dark cloud I can honestly say I have learned beneficial things about African-American history; the names of young people who had been murdered and forgotten about before Trayvon Martin.  But as the weeks past, I urged people to take (constructive) action. Be a part of a solution! Life is not just about our small circle of friends. We must use our lives to benefit us all because injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

I challenge all Americans that are disappointed (once again) in our judicial system, to NOT lay themselves on the mercy of the court. There is one thing that we have that no one can take away from us as long as we are breathing and that is our mind, which must be strengthen by an education.  We can do powerful things with our mind if we use it to focus on the right things. 

Here are a few things that we can begin doing right now to be the CHANGE we want to see in the world. I have formulated this in the acrynoymn C.H.A.N.G.E. to make this easier for you to remember. Just 3 of these things will begin to make a great improvement in your life and in the lives of those you encounter.

C- Compliment. Find something every day that you can compliment. A person, an action, or a nice breeze on the summer day is a great start. The more we find things to compliment the less we will complain. I want to take the time to compliment the courage and incredible strength that Trayvon Martin’s family and friends found to not only testify but to sit through the trial re-living and re-hearing the awful events that led to the shooting of a young, un-armed, college-bound African American boy.  I also want to compliment each person who experienced so much anger to the point that they wanted to riot or cause damage due to their frustration over the verdict but chose not to do so.  Stereotypes about a race are NOT facts, but sometimes they may appear to be true by the actions of a few. I compliment each person who has chosen the high road in spite of the lowness of the legal system in Florida.

H- Happiness. Find something to be happy about.  While I am not happy about this verdict, I am happy that Trayvon’s name will live on, and that his unfortunate death raised an awareness in this country that can result in a resolution for African-Americans that are well overdue.  I am happy that no ill deed goes unpunished.  I am happy for the peaceful demonstrations that have gotten nationwide attention, the extra love and prayers that the Martin family have received, and for the foundation that is being formed in Trayvon’s name.  I am happy that I have received more people emailing me that they want to help me work with youth and their parents.  There is always something to be happy about if we look for it. Judicial systems of this country may fail, but I am happy that God never fails.

A-Action. Do something! There’s an old Chinese Proverb that says “Talk doesn’t cook rice.”  I would like to add to it, neither does FB likes.  While having an educated conversation about the issue can do some good, it is most effective when it is followed up by a plan of action. Take action to get involved in your community.  Do something that will benefit the greater good.  Sometimes we get so caught up on our own ambitions “grinding” and trying to outdo others, that all our hard work is in vain.  Do we want to be hamsters running on a platinum and diamond studded hamster wheel going nowhere, or do we want to be on the right path in order to leave a mark in this earth that will benefit us all?

N- No Negativity. Perhaps this is a double negative in itself but this NEEDS to be said.  We are energy. We are all the same energy. No one but you has control over your energy and how you use it. While I like to laugh and joke like the next person, in serious situations I see so much energy wasted laughing, joking and saying negative things about people.  There was no need for so much time, attention, and energy to be spent on making fun of witnesses testifying on Trayvon Martin’s behalf when that same time, attention, and effort could have been spent on praying for the witnesses, the Martin Family, and the outcome of the case. Let's not operate in negativity while trying to attract something positive. This may not be a popular statement but what is popular is not always right.

G- Gratitude. I tell you right now that being grateful brings more things for you to be grateful about. And if you are being grateful you won’t be operating in negativity.  I have read FB statuses of friends who cannot sleep because of the trial and who are fearing for the lives of their own family with a verdict that makes many to believe that a black person’s life is of no value in America.  I understand those feelings. I feel the same way. However, after we mourn this tragic outcome, lets make sure that to ensure change for our people that we focus on gratitude.  Your life is the result of your most dominant thoughts. If all we think about is injustice and how wrong everything is for our people in this world, the more wrong we will get.  We all have something to be thankful for. There are things wrong with America, but I will concentrate on all the things I am grateful for while living in this country. Being in a positive state gives me the power to be a leader, and to go out into my community to help young people and their parents. If I have a defeated, victim mentality, I won’t be able to Change anything. 

E- Expectation. When the verdict was read and released all over the media Saturday evening, I looked to my FB wall for reactions, and I did not see one person who said that they were truly shocked. As I watched the news Saturday night, every person on the discussion panel admitted that they were not surprise, and to be honest I was not in disbelief myself. So why didn’t the majority of America expect a non-guilty verdict? What could we have done differently as a people that could have increased our expectations.  In life, to correctly create change in the world, we must EXPECT it.  It is time to raise our expectations, increase our actions, and become empowered so our voice is not just a voice. We want to become a collective movement in society to get things done and CHANGED!

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for taking the time to read the words form my heart and I urge you all to get involved in some way, shape, or form, to be the change you want to see in this world. If you would like to help me, Shira Dillon, a high school teacher for over 15 years, author, speaker, and parenting consultant with my latest community project to help young people and their parents all you need to do is email me the words HELP in the subject line at shiradillon@gmail.com and I will keep you informed on how you can help create CHANGE in the world.  

Shira Dillon is a high school teacher in Los Angeles, CA. For over 15 years, Shira has worked with young people and their parents in order to build healthy relationships and help them make productive decisions for their life. Shira Dillon is the author of Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenager Issues, an insightful book to help young people reach their highest potential in society while helping adults relate to youth better. This book in now only $4.99 on Amazon Kindle. http://tinyurl.com/ogzkj4b

Ms. Dillon is also the founder of Parents, Teachers, and Teens which is a FB page to help strengthen the relationship between adults and young people. With the outpouring of senseless murders of misinformed adults thinking that an unarmed young person in a threat, now more than ever are parents, teachers, and teens needed to help mend the gap between adults and youth. Help me help others by going to www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens. If you have already liked parents, teachers, and teens and want to help more, simply share this blog and you will be one step closer to being the CHANGE you wish to see in the world! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! 

3 Things You Must Do To Have An Effective Conversation LIFE CLASS Style!

"How Do I Be Transparent?" is one of the questions I hear the most as I teach parents how to better relate to their teenagers as a teacher and parenting consultant.  All of my parents are very open to the notion that in order to connect with their children they need to start a conversation.  They need to not only share how they feel about an issue but they must be willing to allow their child to share how they feel about the issue as well.  Once the child shares how they feel, the parent must be willing to accept what the child is saying as truth. So many times, the parent wants to influence the child's opinion that the child eventually stops sharing their true thoughts and feelings with their parent. (Which is why teens love talking to their friends.)  If a parent is going to use the strategy that Oprah is so effectively doing in her Life Class with the subject of fatherless sons where thousands of viewers were able to begin their own healing process because of the way Oprah and her panel discussed the issue, then you are not going to be able to only have a conversation with your child; you must be transparent and have a purpose for the conversation.

        For a free parenting session click here: Get Your Free Parenting Consultancy Session!

When I talk with teens, I am honest and I share with them at least one story from my past. This story from my past isn't some random story, but I choose the life experience that is most relevant to the situation at hand.  If there is no purpose to your transparency or if the story you select is random and not suited for the situation, you won't be able to get highly effective results.  There are three things that every transparent story should have in order to be a highly effective story that will bring you and your child closer together.

#1. SHOW VULNERABILITY! Teenagers need to see their parents vulnerable at times. It's a temporary moment where you are not the "I know it all parent." You are the parent that feel things emotionally just like your child. I have noticed that this serves as a problem for the mother and the father but in different ways. With the father, they are more likely not to show any vulnerability because of societal pressures to be "The Man." This destroys the intimacy and affection that the chid is looking for. With mothers, it is the exact opposite. Mothers sometimes show too much vulnerability that puts a child in a situation where they hold back on saying the honest things they want and need to say about the situation in hopes to make their mother feel better. It's too much emotion and the opportunity for meaningful conversation towards healing is lost.

#2. ADMIT A MISTAKE!  You do not have to be perfect. It's a lie. We are not perfect. Our children already know it, so we can admit mistakes that we make.  Even if its just a thought of worry, doubt, or admitting that you seriously messed up. Admitting to our children that we made a mistake releases the pressure off them and gives them an environment where they can be honest. No one wants to make a mistake. We all want to be perfect, but when a parent is able to say it's okay, and  here's a situation I was in and I didn't make the best choice, you will be surprise on what that can do for a child.  When sharing a story and being transparent, be certain to include some mistakes you've made either in thought or in deed.

#3. BE ON TOPIC! If we are honest with ourselves, we have a plethora of stories to choose from that we can share with our child, but when there is a problem and we are having a conversation to promote healing in the relationship, the story needs to be carefully selected and put together. The story that you share with your child needs to be directly related to the issue at hand. If the problem with your child has to do with a disconnection between the two of you, then share a time in your life where you disconnected from someone or thought about disconnecting.  If the problem with your child has to do with suspect of drug use, then share a time in your life where you or a close friend used drugs or thought about using drugs without ever asking or accusing them of using drugs.

Depending on the situation and history, your child may not come around during the first transparency session, but having the conversation will certainly plant a seed in solid ground that will begin the healing situation for you and your child.

I found a note yesterday from a student I taught last year.  Although there was no name on the note, I know who wrote the note because of the handwriting.  This young girl lives with her mother and has been homeless with her for a spell.  She writes often in her journal about their relationship and how difficult it is for them to get along. They both say hurtful things to one another and often times she is very disrespectful. Her mom doesn't know what to do with her and no matter what, they seem to get in an argument at least once a day.  The father hears what's going on and naturally wants custody of his daughter, and many people hearing this story would think it's the right thing. But my student wants to improve things with her mom. She wants to be with her mother.  It says so in the letter I found.

You can read a copy of my student's letter at www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens and if you haven't liked the FB page be sure to like it and share it with your online friends.

I'm starting a new adventure my friends to help more and more young people have stronger relationships with their parents.  Stay tune to find out how you can be a part of the solution to this much needed issue that thousands of parents and children are facing in society today. There are so many adults with broken relationships with their parents now with the responsibility to have a healthy relationship with their own children. Broken people break people! Hurting people hurt people! I have taken the challenge to bring healing to this problem so that healed people may heal others. Want you join me? To find out how you can help email me at shiradillon@gmail.com and type the word HELP in the subject line.

To get more information on the type of stories to share with your child in order to have your own "Life Class" experience and better relate to your child, grab my new self-help book dedicated to teens and beneficial to adults. Inside you will be able to read numerous transparent stories that show vulnerability, admit mistakes, and are categorize by topic.  Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues takes you step by step through many true stories shared by me and the students I have worked with. It is a perfect example of Life Class in action with helpful tips to bring you towards the conversation you need to have in your own parental relationship.  Go to www.amazon.com/ShiraDillon and get your copy TODAY!