Is Your Child Apart Of The Victim Syndrome?

Imagine these possible scenarios!

Your son’s teacher calls and informs you that your child threw a pencil at Sandy in class. When you ask your child about the incident, your child tells you that Sandy through the pencil at him.

You walk into your living room and catch your daughter tossing a ball only to notice that one of your house plants have been knocked over. An array of dirt is scattered heavily on the floor. When you ask your child about the incident, she insists that it was the ball and not her that knocked over your beloved Yucca house plant.

Do any of these stories sound familiar?

Much like the game of dodge ball, over and over again children duck and dodge taking responsibility for their own behavior. They will find some way to shift the blame and place themselves as the victim in the situation. Some children are so good at it that you may find yourself agreeing with the child. I know parents who have been convinced that it was the ball and not their child that knocked over the plant.

Children who fail to take responsibility for their actions become adults who fail to take responsibility for their actions. 

So how do you take this common situation and treat it before it becomes a pathological condition that remains with the child well into adulthood?

Click here for information on how to teach your child to take responsibility for their actions.

The Victim Syndrome is a pathological condition where people repeatedly blame others for mistreatment when the source of their problems lies within themselves.

The 3 Parts to the Victim Syndrome.

1. Victim- The victim continuously makes flawed judgments and is continuously unwilling to take responsibility. It’s the “Say it wasn’t You!” Complex. It’s All the other person’s fault.

2. Rescuer- These are the people that the victims go after to be rescued. In many two parenting households, victims often choose one of the parents to be the rescuer. The rescuer is the person the victim runs to in order to feel better.

3. Persecutor- The persecutor is the person the victim says is responsible for whatever it is that has happened to them. What’s interesting is that the rescuer oftentimes becomes the persecutor.  As soon as the rescuer wises up and recognizes the victim is failing to take responsibility, the victim now has a new person to shift the blame. Thus, the rescuer is now one of the victims many persecutors.

What’s amazing about the Victim Syndrome is that we see this over and over again in our adult relationships. I feel compelled to write another blog on this same topic showing how children who grow up as victims become adults that ruin many aspects of their lives because they fail to take responsibility.

Here's a list of just a few of the problems that a child who does not get the victim syndrome handled experience as an adult.

-Job Instability

-Failed Relationships

-Financial Irresponsibility

-Academic Failure

-Lack of Friends

 The list can go on and on.  In my FREE Webinar, I will be teaching you how to recognize the victim syndrome in your child and how to distinguish this characteristic before it festers into a full blown pathological condition that can cause all types of problems throughout your child's life.

I bet we all know some adults that love to play the victim. The tips and information in my Free Webinar will be beneficial for adults too. The victim syndrome dates back to Genesis. It dates back to Adam and Eve when Adam blamed Eve for the consumption of the forbidden fruit. Eve then blamed the serpent.  If you think that playing the victim syndrome won’t lead to bigger problems, think again.

I’m excited that we can treat this condition and not just put a band-aid on it.  Parents are key to being a home remedy for this behavior so it will not spread as the child gets older.

To get access to the webinar click on the link http://a.pgtb.me/vtF7rR You do not have to watch this webinar live in real time. Feel free to listen to it in your spare time at your leisure. http://a.pgtb.me/vtF7rR

Shira Dillon was born in Gary, Indiana. She holds a Master's Degree in Secondary Education, and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech, Theater, and English Education.  Shira is a SAG/AFTRA actress and comedian that infuses her talents in the entertainment industry, her own childhood experiences, and her 15+ years of experience in the school system to help parents and teens all over the country fix their life and relationships.  With the release of her teen self-help book, Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants:How To Deal With Teenage Issues, Shira has been highly sought out for parenting/teaching consulting, coaching, workshops, and speaking engagements.  You can email Shira Dillon for a free consultation and for any inquiries +Shira Nicole shiradillo@gmail.com

So Your Children Aren't Acting Right?

More and more teenagers are mouthing off and disrespecting their parents like never before while the world sits back as if the behavior doesn't even exist. I never knew that the release of my new book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How to Deal with Teenage Issues would increase my parenting consulting business. I have more clients than ever before, and no matter what the situation is, they almost all have to do with some sort of behavior issue.  All my clients have concluded that their teenagers are not behaving appropriately.

Being a high school teacher in South Central, Los Angeles for well over a decade makes me know all too well about teenager's with behavior issues. From disrespectful students with a little too much lip,  violent students, or the mischievous teens who like to steal cars and money for fun, there isn't an issue alive that I haven't dealt with or personally witnessed.  So in my attempts to try to understand why there are so many "hard to deal with" teenagers, I asked the one group that knows more about "hard to deal with teenagers" than Oprah, Dr, Phil, and myself put together. I asked a group of "hard to deal with" teens.

After talking to several teens that have all admitted to talking back to their parents, disrespecting their household, and in some cases physically and verbally assaulting their parents or siblings in the house, I learned something very shocking. Every student said they do these things because their aren't any compelling reasons not to.  The parents haven't set the standard that they shouldn't do it.  So why not?Of course, the underlying reason for them doing these things is because there is a bigger issue going on with the teen that may or may not have anything to do with the parent. So in order for parents to eliminate this behavior they need to first do two things...

1. Give the child a compelling reason to stop the behavior.

2. Open up communication to find out the root cause of the behavior and begin treating that problem.


In my last period class, my group of tenth graders were very talkative.  After two intense days of learning and an early dismissal day today, my students were more focused on socializing then on their assignment when they realized class would be over in less than ten minutes.  With little success, most of the students continued to talk more and more as it became closer for them to leave the campus for the day, and no matter what, there was little I was able to do to get the entire class to be completely silent until the students realized that Ms. Dillon never dismisses a talkative class. Beginning day one of the school year, I implemented a rule that says...

"The bell does not dismiss you, I dismiss you. The bell is simply a signal for me to dismiss the class when I see fit.  A talkative class is not fit to be dismissed."

When the dismissal bell rang, silence fell upon the classroom.  The classroom was so quiet that I was able to hear the ceiling lights.  Even the most unruly students can behave when they have a compelling enough reason.  In this case, the compelling reason was that school was out and they wanted to leave the campus. As long as there is a compelling enough reason, I can get any teenager to do behave and follow the rules.  The skills comes in knowing what the compelling reason is for each teen. Find something compelling enough to get a teen to be respectful and well behaved, and the problems with the teenager will begin to cease.  Once that starts the second step to work on the root of the problem behavior which will ultimately result in the child being well behaved.

It's time to transform our teenagers.  I witness teens everyday who talk constantly, do drugs, engage in promiscuous sex, and have a bad attitude around the house with their parents and yet they have the latest gadgets such as cellphones, ipods, video games, designer shoes, purses, make-up, and expensive hair weave that hangs down their back in a variety of different hair colors. (Yes, I mentioned hair weave!) My students have admitted that they will do anything for their parents to continue to give them these items but since they don't have to do anything for them-they don't!

Some parents say that if they take their child's phone, iPod, make-up, or hair weave, the backlash would be so bad that they would rather just let the child have their way.  As parents and as adults, we have to set some standards with our teenagers and then stick to them.  When we stick to our standards we see results, but if we let our guard down, teens will take it as a sign that it's their world and they can do whatever they want.  At the end of the day, if your children aren't acting right, your first line of defense is to give them a compelling reason to act right. Then, get to the root of the teen's problem so the misbehaving teen can transform into a well behaving teen.  Being a parent is a hard job and you deserve to have children that act right.  I'm cheering for you and if you need help, don't hesitate to contact Shira Dillon's Parenting Consultancy today!