GABBY DOUGLAS and THE GOLDEN RULE!

Remember Gabby Douglas, the first African American female who won a gold medal in gymnastics at the Olympics in 2012? Do you also remember how her history making performance somehow got turned into a conversation about her hair? When I first heard of the absurd remarks about this talented and remarkable young girl, slogans from my childhood began to resound loudly in my head.

                       If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!

                                         Don't judge a book by its cover.

                                         What goes around comes around.
                       
                                              Think before you speak!

                              Treat Others the Way You Want to be Treated!


The last one is looked upon as The Golden Rule and it reminds me of the love your neighbor as yourself scripture in the bible which is considered the Great Commandment.

Yet, from birth we are a group of humans that are me, me, me oriented. Everything is about us and we make life so much about us that we don't even know how to put other people before ourselves.  We actually have to be taught this.  Study any young child. Children spend their life thinking about what they can eat, what they can play with, and how can they stay up past their bedtime.  Toddlers all around the world know how to scream the words "Mine!" but must be taught how to share.  When kids play a game, they play to win.  The "It doesn't matter rather you win or lose, it's how you play the game." slogan doesn't fly with most kids.  They have to be taught that its okay for someone else to win and some grown folks still doesn't agree with the statement.

The same thing goes for adults.  Being an adult that is now in my thirties, (where did the time go?) I noticed that the issues that we all face as an adult wouldn't even be issues at all, if we would adhere to the golden rule.  Issues such as name calling, back biting, gossiping, cheating, stealing, physical abuse, hating, jealousy, being stingy and the desire to see other's fail have no place in the lives in someone who follows the Golden Rule.

Yet, there's not a day that goes by that I'm not able to see these exact issues going on on FB, in the news, on television shows, and on my own job as school teacher.  Life can sometimes appear like we are all crabs in a crab barrel;  not only do we pull each other down, but we talk about each other, beat each other up, and tear at a the legs, hoping that they can never get to the top and out of the crab barrel.

That's what the world witnessed happen to Gabby Douglas.  A very beautiful and young crab crawled out the crab barrel (at a very young age) and instead of rejoicing and celebrating her accomplishments, a large number of people ignored the golden rule and found something negative to say.  Instead of celebrating the extreme discipline, talent, work ethic, perseverance, dedication, and mind control a young person must have to accomplish such an achievement that the majority of people will never accomplish in a lifetime, people searched high and low to find something negative to say. I for one will say there are many times when my hair doesn't look like I stepped off a set of a glamour photo shoot. Nor does it always need to be. There is a time and a place for everything and I was so proud that Gabby knew how to prioritize and chose what was most important.  Training, eating right, making sacrifices, and putting all that she has into her talent, getting to the Olympics, and bringing home the gold is what was important.  We can learn a lot about success, dedication, and class from this fascinating teenager Gabby Douglas.  In addition to being the first and youngest African American Olympic Gold Medalist Gymnast, she is also someone who practices the Golden Rule.  Treat others the way you would want to be treated.  Even when she had the opportunity to respond to her critics, Gabby turned the other cheek and took the high road.

Just think, if we all followed the Golden Rule, there would be no school bullies, no songs/shirts about haters, no random shootings, no city bombings, and no conversations about a teenage Olympic Gold Medalist's hair. I'm sure when you accomplish something great, you want people to be happy for you at the very least.  As a human race, we hate to be judged, talked about and condemned, especially during one of the highest moments of our life.  And if we don't want anyone to treat us this way, what gives us the right to treat a young teenage girl like this?  I'm challenging every adult to step up.  Let's set the example of the golden rule with our teenagers because they are watching us. Once we begin to be the change that needs to take place in the world, the young people in our lives will follow suite.

                                 For more writings from Shira Dillon click here.


Shira Dillon is a high school teacher in South, Central Los Angeles. Shira has over 15 years experience working with teenagers and is an expert with helping them and their parents deal with teenage issues. Ms. Dillon is the author of the book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues that share true stories from the authors life, as well as true stories from teenagers and how they deal with their problems. Order the book by going to www.heyiwantthatbook.blogspot.com For a consultation, email me at shiradillo@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter @ShiraNicole

Gang Proofing Your Kids! (Part 1)

 

Welcome to my new blog.!!! My name is Shira Dillon and I am a high school teacher in Los Angeles, CA. This blog will explore the mind and life of teenagers today and help adults better connect with them. Please come by often or subscribe so you can receive these bogs by email. And don't forget to like my FB page www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens to unite with me to help public education become a better institution of learning. Our children need it!

It seems like society is always trying to put the blame on someone or something for the many teenage temptations that are swarming around our young people.  As a teacher, I hear people put the blame on us. As an entertainer, I hear that a lot of people put the blame on the celebrity names who are looked at as role models, but fail to do their part. As a parent, I hear people put the blame on us parents. So this morning, I decided to ask my students who's at fault when a child joins a gang.  The answer was unanimous! The students in unison all said THEIR PARENTS!

Wait, I know some of you all may be thinking that isn't fair.  I'm always involved with my child's life.  I am always at the school and participate in school activities.  I talk to my child all the time.  How in the world could my child join a gain? How can I be at fault for this?

The problem is there is ineffective communication between the teen and the parent.  I grew up in a household where no one talked to me about my life.  My students who say their parents talk to them about issues believe that their parent does more talking AT them then talking TO them.  As a result, the teenager begins to go into what I call auto-pilot. They respond  the way that they know you want them to respond and let you leave the conversation thinking you did your parenting duties for the day.

Your child then comes to school and shares what they really are thinking and feeling to their friends. If this keeps going on, by the late teenage years many parents begin to experience a "disconnect."  You know, when the child pretty much just eats and sleeps in the house. Your child becomes the teen that comes homes and gives you one word answers.

Parent: How was school today?
Child: Okay.
Parent: Did you have homework?
Child: No
Parent: Are you hungry?
Child: Not really.

That pretty much sums it up. The child then leaves to "go hang out" or if they have less freedom, they remain in the house and do their chores or other things that may be the ritual and routine for the home. Unfortunately, your teens needs aren't being met. And more unfortunately, when they aren't being met, things like sex, drugs, and even gangs become more enticing.  Yesterday's blog asked the question "Are YOUR needs being met?" It is just as important for teens as it is for all humans to get these 6 basic needs met. (Explanation of the needs can be found in yesterday's blog)

1. Certainty      2. Uncertainty    3. Significance    4. Connection/Love    5. Growth   6. Contribution

Is your home environment strongly and positively providing an opportunity for your child to get all these needs met? What would your child say? Most of my students said that their home is only providing two of these needs. Only two! They also said they would NEVER admit that to their parents.

There are so many other opportunities out there that strongly meet your child's needs. Some in a positive way and some in a negative way. One of these things is the opportunity to join a gang.  They are out there and know how to effectively meet these six needs for your child. 

Tomorrow's blog will break down exactly how gangs meet your child needs and what you can do to be sure that you and your household are fulfilling your child needs so their will be no NEED for gangs, drugs, or any other "elephants in the room."

Shira Dillon is a high school teacher in South, Central Los Angeles. Shira has over 15 years experience working with teenagers and is an expert with helping them and their parents deal with teenage issues. Ms. Dillon is the author of the book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues that share true stories from the authors life, as well as true stories from teenagers and how they deal with their problems. For more information about the book go to www.heyiwantthatbook.blogspot.com For a consultation, email me at shiradillo@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter @ShiraNicole

Are YOUR Needs Being Met?

 

Welcome to my new blog.!!! My name is Shira Dillon and I am a high school teacher in Los Angeles, CA. This blog will explore the mind and life of teenagers today and help adults better connect with them. Please come by often or subscribe so you can receive these bogs by email. And don't forget to like my FB page www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens to unite with me to help public education become a better institution of learning. Our children need it!

 

I had an amazing time at the Tony Robbins Unleash The Power Within Conference in Los Angeles, CA from March 21-24. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life and I left on the fourth day a stronger, wiser, and better person. So what would I want to do after getting a plethora of life changing information from millionaire Tony Robbins? I shared a piece of the information with a group of people that matter to me a lot- my students.

 

When my students entered the class, we took the first few minutes copying down the 6 basic human needs identified by Tony Robbins.  I then explained these human needs as they relate to my teenage students.

1. Certainty- The need for comfort and security. My students need for their home to always be there for them and their mother to be home by 6pm, and for their school to always provide the services that they provide. Sometimes we take certainty for granted, but if any of these things were altered it would shake our world. We need for certain things to always be there.

2. Uncertainty- As complex as we are as creatures, we need for things to not always be the same. We want variety and the things that spice up life.  One year my students got their need for uncertainty from the outbreaks of fights the broke out daily.  As negative as that was, it was the only thing around that gave them that excitement of the unknown.

3. Significance- We all want to feel important and special. So when teens dye their hair purple, or take on roles varying from honors kid, band member, cheerleader, class president, or class clown these titles are all contributing to a teens significance.

4. Connection/Love- All people need love and your teen is no different. Whatever is giving your child a sense of connection is where your child is going to gravitate. For some teenager its sports, relationships, and for another teenager it can be a gang.  Both of these things are contributing to your child's need for love.

5. Growth- We all have a desire to grow and will grow. Think back to who you were 10 years ago.  I can imagine that you are not that person anymore. My 15 year old students have grown drastically since age 5. "The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."- Muhammad Ali

6. Contribution- We all want to give to others in one way or another.  It doesn't have to be money. Teenagers contribute by supporting one another as well as with their talents.  A high school band played for my schools ribbon cutting ceremony last month.  That's contribution.  They didn't get paid. They just helped us out, contributed to anther school, and as a result fulfilled their own need for contribution.

Once my students understood these needs, they all agreed that they did need them and that they were very important.  I then asked them to look at these needs and tell me which needs are being fulfilled at their current school.  The results were amazing. Out of approximately 100 students, the 92 of them said that they were only getting 1 to 2 needs met in school from 8am-3pm everyday. One needs to have at least 3 of these needs being met. This means that when something else comes alone that meets at least 3 or more of these basic needs, there's a good chance that it will lure these teenagers away.

So when we feel like we are losing our teenagers to things such as, sex, drugs, and gangs its because those things are meeting their needs more than school.  Sometimes we feel like we lose teenagers to lighter issues such as their cellphones.  My students gladly admitted that they get more of their needs met with their smart phone then they get at school, home, or on their job. 

So what now?

Do the same thing that I've done with the teenagers that you know.  Explain these 6 basic needs to them and ask them to honestly evaluate what needs are getting met and which needs are not at home, in their relationships, and at school. Knowing which needs are being neglected is a sure fire way to put you in the drivers' seat and to help you become a source where your teen can get their needs met before some "elephant" comes along and negatively meet those needs for you.

Shira Dillon is a high school teacher in South, Central Los Angeles. Shira has over 15 years experience working with teenagers and is an expert with helping them and their parents deal with teenage issues. Ms. Dillon is the author of the book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues that share true stories from the authors life, as well as true stories from teenagers and how they deal with their problems. For more information about the book go to www.heyiwantthatbook.blogspot.com  For a consultation, email me at shiradillo@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter @ShiraNicole