LOVE OR FEAR: WHAT GUIDES YOUR PARENTING?

It has been said that there are only two motivating forces in life.

These forces are Love and Fear. 

When we operate in love we are operating at our best self.

When we parent in love we are parenting at our best self.

In order for an adult to improve the situations in the home between parent and child one must honestly take time to look within and to evaluate their own parenting styles.

Are you parenting in a force of love or fear?

It is possible to operate in both love and fear but NOT at the same time.

Parents normally shift between love and fear based on the circumstances that are thrown their way.

When children do good things, the essence of a parent's being become flooded with love.

When children misbehave, a parent may engulf a spirit of fear that can result in raised voices, harsh words, and severe punishment in order to show the child the consequences of their poor behavior.

This is how many people have grown up for centuries.

We send out vibrations of love when things are going well and in turn spew out vibrations of fear, anger, and guilt when things are bad.

It's what we have been exposed to as the way to solve problems in the home and to make the child obey.

                                However, how do you feel when you are operating in fear?
                             
                                Find Out What Teenagers Are Saying by Clicking Here!

What emotions are you releasing on yourself, your children, and everyone in your path?

In heated situations, are you allowing love to guide your parenting or have your emotions shifted into fear?

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I want to breakdown 3 approaches to raising children.  Two of these approaches have been existing and in heavy practice since the beginning of time. But only one of these approaches keeps the parent and child in the force of love no matter the obstacle that the family may be dealing with.

                         Read the three types of parenting and determine which one are you?

1. Permissive Parenting- the children are allowed to unfold without the direction of their parents. It is assumed that the child will naturally make the right choices when ready. (i.e., Johnny, whenever you are ready to clean your room, I suppose you'll do it.  I'll just let you sit in a dirty room until you figure out you should clean it.)

2.  Authoritarian Parenting-  is the oldest and most widely-used approach. Parents take charge by using their power and authority to punish their children in order to teach them what to do. (i.e., Johnny, clean up this room now or there will be no television for a week! Do it NOW!)

3.  Breakthrough Parenting- the responsibility for solving problems is shared between parent and child. Parents teach by using discipline instead of punishment. Parents use influence instead of control. (i.e., Johnny, your room is a mess, what is your plan for cleaning this room? Tell me the best way for you to clean your room immediately?

When I first began studying Breakthrough Parenting, I couldn't say that I operated as a breakthrough parent. I was not raised by a breakthrough parent.  While I liked the shared responsibility between mother and child, I felt that "Clean your room now was just as effective." It wasn't until I began studying and talking to thousands of teens, young adults, and parents that I learned that there is always ways to improve on our parenting methods.

Children who feel that they are being controlled with anger, punishment, and loud outbursts eventually rebel and experience emotional consequences in their adult life.

While these methods may seem to work initially, the method is only temporary.

Oftentimes, when we instill fear in our children to get them to behave, it's equivalent to putting a band-aid on a festering sore.

We need to instill love in our children for long lasting results while teaching them how to become responsible members of society.

My goal for my own children and the 500 plus students I teach each year as a high school English and Theater Teacher is for every child to develop self-mastery.

Self-Mastery is the power to control one's actions, impulses, and emotions.

                                         Are you a self-mastered person?
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Breakthrough Parenting with love is a great way to learn self-mastery and to turn any parenting struggles into cooperation.

If anything you've read has sparked an interest, please feel free to email me at shiradillon@gmail.com
Email the word CLASS if you are interested in a FREE class to learn more about Breakthrough Parenting.

People spend countless number of dollars and time in education and training for their careers.

             How much time and training have you spent on the career of being a parent?

Join me for a free online video class about Breakthrough Parenting.

In it you will learn...

-Effective discipline in a way that promotes willing cooperation from your children
-How to communicate so that everyone listens and understands
-Resolve conflicts quickly and easily with win/win methods
- .......and much much more!

You can enroll in the online video class of Breakthrough Parenting w/ Shira by doing any of the following....

1. Email the word FREE to shiradillon@gmail.com
2. Follow Shira on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Mz.ShiraNicole
3. Join Parents, Teachers and Teens page on FB at https://www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersAndTeens?ref=hl

Thank you for reading this blog. Feel free to follow me on google+ or join my fan page at www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens .

To become an even more involved parent in your child's life, and to better understand the teenagers of today purchase my new book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How to Deal with Teenage Issues by Clicking Here! Or by checking the book our on amazon. Order a hardcopy or download an e-book for your kindle today! Order Now!

Are YOUR Needs Being Met?

 

Welcome to my new blog.!!! My name is Shira Dillon and I am a high school teacher in Los Angeles, CA. This blog will explore the mind and life of teenagers today and help adults better connect with them. Please come by often or subscribe so you can receive these bogs by email. And don't forget to like my FB page www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens to unite with me to help public education become a better institution of learning. Our children need it!

 

I had an amazing time at the Tony Robbins Unleash The Power Within Conference in Los Angeles, CA from March 21-24. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life and I left on the fourth day a stronger, wiser, and better person. So what would I want to do after getting a plethora of life changing information from millionaire Tony Robbins? I shared a piece of the information with a group of people that matter to me a lot- my students.

 

When my students entered the class, we took the first few minutes copying down the 6 basic human needs identified by Tony Robbins.  I then explained these human needs as they relate to my teenage students.

1. Certainty- The need for comfort and security. My students need for their home to always be there for them and their mother to be home by 6pm, and for their school to always provide the services that they provide. Sometimes we take certainty for granted, but if any of these things were altered it would shake our world. We need for certain things to always be there.

2. Uncertainty- As complex as we are as creatures, we need for things to not always be the same. We want variety and the things that spice up life.  One year my students got their need for uncertainty from the outbreaks of fights the broke out daily.  As negative as that was, it was the only thing around that gave them that excitement of the unknown.

3. Significance- We all want to feel important and special. So when teens dye their hair purple, or take on roles varying from honors kid, band member, cheerleader, class president, or class clown these titles are all contributing to a teens significance.

4. Connection/Love- All people need love and your teen is no different. Whatever is giving your child a sense of connection is where your child is going to gravitate. For some teenager its sports, relationships, and for another teenager it can be a gang.  Both of these things are contributing to your child's need for love.

5. Growth- We all have a desire to grow and will grow. Think back to who you were 10 years ago.  I can imagine that you are not that person anymore. My 15 year old students have grown drastically since age 5. "The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."- Muhammad Ali

6. Contribution- We all want to give to others in one way or another.  It doesn't have to be money. Teenagers contribute by supporting one another as well as with their talents.  A high school band played for my schools ribbon cutting ceremony last month.  That's contribution.  They didn't get paid. They just helped us out, contributed to anther school, and as a result fulfilled their own need for contribution.

Once my students understood these needs, they all agreed that they did need them and that they were very important.  I then asked them to look at these needs and tell me which needs are being fulfilled at their current school.  The results were amazing. Out of approximately 100 students, the 92 of them said that they were only getting 1 to 2 needs met in school from 8am-3pm everyday. One needs to have at least 3 of these needs being met. This means that when something else comes alone that meets at least 3 or more of these basic needs, there's a good chance that it will lure these teenagers away.

So when we feel like we are losing our teenagers to things such as, sex, drugs, and gangs its because those things are meeting their needs more than school.  Sometimes we feel like we lose teenagers to lighter issues such as their cellphones.  My students gladly admitted that they get more of their needs met with their smart phone then they get at school, home, or on their job. 

So what now?

Do the same thing that I've done with the teenagers that you know.  Explain these 6 basic needs to them and ask them to honestly evaluate what needs are getting met and which needs are not at home, in their relationships, and at school. Knowing which needs are being neglected is a sure fire way to put you in the drivers' seat and to help you become a source where your teen can get their needs met before some "elephant" comes along and negatively meet those needs for you.

Shira Dillon is a high school teacher in South, Central Los Angeles. Shira has over 15 years experience working with teenagers and is an expert with helping them and their parents deal with teenage issues. Ms. Dillon is the author of the book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues that share true stories from the authors life, as well as true stories from teenagers and how they deal with their problems. For more information about the book go to www.heyiwantthatbook.blogspot.com  For a consultation, email me at shiradillo@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter @ShiraNicole