After the Not-Guilty Verdict...Will Things Change or Will There Be More of the Same?

I have received several inboxes asking me my opinion concerning the verdict in the Trayvon Martin/Zimmerman Case. While I have my opinions, my mind is on a form of action.  What are we doing to be the CHANGE we want to see in this world? Actions truly speak louder than words, so while the news is fresh, I will read statuses of disappointment and awareness.  And as I search for a silver lining in this dark cloud I can honestly say I have learned beneficial things about African-American history; the names of young people who had been murdered and forgotten about before Trayvon Martin.  But as the weeks past, I urged people to take (constructive) action. Be a part of a solution! Life is not just about our small circle of friends. We must use our lives to benefit us all because injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

I challenge all Americans that are disappointed (once again) in our judicial system, to NOT lay themselves on the mercy of the court. There is one thing that we have that no one can take away from us as long as we are breathing and that is our mind, which must be strengthen by an education.  We can do powerful things with our mind if we use it to focus on the right things. 

Here are a few things that we can begin doing right now to be the CHANGE we want to see in the world. I have formulated this in the acrynoymn C.H.A.N.G.E. to make this easier for you to remember. Just 3 of these things will begin to make a great improvement in your life and in the lives of those you encounter.

C- Compliment. Find something every day that you can compliment. A person, an action, or a nice breeze on the summer day is a great start. The more we find things to compliment the less we will complain. I want to take the time to compliment the courage and incredible strength that Trayvon Martin’s family and friends found to not only testify but to sit through the trial re-living and re-hearing the awful events that led to the shooting of a young, un-armed, college-bound African American boy.  I also want to compliment each person who experienced so much anger to the point that they wanted to riot or cause damage due to their frustration over the verdict but chose not to do so.  Stereotypes about a race are NOT facts, but sometimes they may appear to be true by the actions of a few. I compliment each person who has chosen the high road in spite of the lowness of the legal system in Florida.

H- Happiness. Find something to be happy about.  While I am not happy about this verdict, I am happy that Trayvon’s name will live on, and that his unfortunate death raised an awareness in this country that can result in a resolution for African-Americans that are well overdue.  I am happy that no ill deed goes unpunished.  I am happy for the peaceful demonstrations that have gotten nationwide attention, the extra love and prayers that the Martin family have received, and for the foundation that is being formed in Trayvon’s name.  I am happy that I have received more people emailing me that they want to help me work with youth and their parents.  There is always something to be happy about if we look for it. Judicial systems of this country may fail, but I am happy that God never fails.

A-Action. Do something! There’s an old Chinese Proverb that says “Talk doesn’t cook rice.”  I would like to add to it, neither does FB likes.  While having an educated conversation about the issue can do some good, it is most effective when it is followed up by a plan of action. Take action to get involved in your community.  Do something that will benefit the greater good.  Sometimes we get so caught up on our own ambitions “grinding” and trying to outdo others, that all our hard work is in vain.  Do we want to be hamsters running on a platinum and diamond studded hamster wheel going nowhere, or do we want to be on the right path in order to leave a mark in this earth that will benefit us all?

N- No Negativity. Perhaps this is a double negative in itself but this NEEDS to be said.  We are energy. We are all the same energy. No one but you has control over your energy and how you use it. While I like to laugh and joke like the next person, in serious situations I see so much energy wasted laughing, joking and saying negative things about people.  There was no need for so much time, attention, and energy to be spent on making fun of witnesses testifying on Trayvon Martin’s behalf when that same time, attention, and effort could have been spent on praying for the witnesses, the Martin Family, and the outcome of the case. Let's not operate in negativity while trying to attract something positive. This may not be a popular statement but what is popular is not always right.

G- Gratitude. I tell you right now that being grateful brings more things for you to be grateful about. And if you are being grateful you won’t be operating in negativity.  I have read FB statuses of friends who cannot sleep because of the trial and who are fearing for the lives of their own family with a verdict that makes many to believe that a black person’s life is of no value in America.  I understand those feelings. I feel the same way. However, after we mourn this tragic outcome, lets make sure that to ensure change for our people that we focus on gratitude.  Your life is the result of your most dominant thoughts. If all we think about is injustice and how wrong everything is for our people in this world, the more wrong we will get.  We all have something to be thankful for. There are things wrong with America, but I will concentrate on all the things I am grateful for while living in this country. Being in a positive state gives me the power to be a leader, and to go out into my community to help young people and their parents. If I have a defeated, victim mentality, I won’t be able to Change anything. 

E- Expectation. When the verdict was read and released all over the media Saturday evening, I looked to my FB wall for reactions, and I did not see one person who said that they were truly shocked. As I watched the news Saturday night, every person on the discussion panel admitted that they were not surprise, and to be honest I was not in disbelief myself. So why didn’t the majority of America expect a non-guilty verdict? What could we have done differently as a people that could have increased our expectations.  In life, to correctly create change in the world, we must EXPECT it.  It is time to raise our expectations, increase our actions, and become empowered so our voice is not just a voice. We want to become a collective movement in society to get things done and CHANGED!

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for taking the time to read the words form my heart and I urge you all to get involved in some way, shape, or form, to be the change you want to see in this world. If you would like to help me, Shira Dillon, a high school teacher for over 15 years, author, speaker, and parenting consultant with my latest community project to help young people and their parents all you need to do is email me the words HELP in the subject line at shiradillon@gmail.com and I will keep you informed on how you can help create CHANGE in the world.  

Shira Dillon is a high school teacher in Los Angeles, CA. For over 15 years, Shira has worked with young people and their parents in order to build healthy relationships and help them make productive decisions for their life. Shira Dillon is the author of Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenager Issues, an insightful book to help young people reach their highest potential in society while helping adults relate to youth better. This book in now only $4.99 on Amazon Kindle. http://tinyurl.com/ogzkj4b

Ms. Dillon is also the founder of Parents, Teachers, and Teens which is a FB page to help strengthen the relationship between adults and young people. With the outpouring of senseless murders of misinformed adults thinking that an unarmed young person in a threat, now more than ever are parents, teachers, and teens needed to help mend the gap between adults and youth. Help me help others by going to www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens. If you have already liked parents, teachers, and teens and want to help more, simply share this blog and you will be one step closer to being the CHANGE you wish to see in the world! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! 

3 Things You Must Do To Have An Effective Conversation LIFE CLASS Style!

"How Do I Be Transparent?" is one of the questions I hear the most as I teach parents how to better relate to their teenagers as a teacher and parenting consultant.  All of my parents are very open to the notion that in order to connect with their children they need to start a conversation.  They need to not only share how they feel about an issue but they must be willing to allow their child to share how they feel about the issue as well.  Once the child shares how they feel, the parent must be willing to accept what the child is saying as truth. So many times, the parent wants to influence the child's opinion that the child eventually stops sharing their true thoughts and feelings with their parent. (Which is why teens love talking to their friends.)  If a parent is going to use the strategy that Oprah is so effectively doing in her Life Class with the subject of fatherless sons where thousands of viewers were able to begin their own healing process because of the way Oprah and her panel discussed the issue, then you are not going to be able to only have a conversation with your child; you must be transparent and have a purpose for the conversation.

        For a free parenting session click here: Get Your Free Parenting Consultancy Session!

When I talk with teens, I am honest and I share with them at least one story from my past. This story from my past isn't some random story, but I choose the life experience that is most relevant to the situation at hand.  If there is no purpose to your transparency or if the story you select is random and not suited for the situation, you won't be able to get highly effective results.  There are three things that every transparent story should have in order to be a highly effective story that will bring you and your child closer together.

#1. SHOW VULNERABILITY! Teenagers need to see their parents vulnerable at times. It's a temporary moment where you are not the "I know it all parent." You are the parent that feel things emotionally just like your child. I have noticed that this serves as a problem for the mother and the father but in different ways. With the father, they are more likely not to show any vulnerability because of societal pressures to be "The Man." This destroys the intimacy and affection that the chid is looking for. With mothers, it is the exact opposite. Mothers sometimes show too much vulnerability that puts a child in a situation where they hold back on saying the honest things they want and need to say about the situation in hopes to make their mother feel better. It's too much emotion and the opportunity for meaningful conversation towards healing is lost.

#2. ADMIT A MISTAKE!  You do not have to be perfect. It's a lie. We are not perfect. Our children already know it, so we can admit mistakes that we make.  Even if its just a thought of worry, doubt, or admitting that you seriously messed up. Admitting to our children that we made a mistake releases the pressure off them and gives them an environment where they can be honest. No one wants to make a mistake. We all want to be perfect, but when a parent is able to say it's okay, and  here's a situation I was in and I didn't make the best choice, you will be surprise on what that can do for a child.  When sharing a story and being transparent, be certain to include some mistakes you've made either in thought or in deed.

#3. BE ON TOPIC! If we are honest with ourselves, we have a plethora of stories to choose from that we can share with our child, but when there is a problem and we are having a conversation to promote healing in the relationship, the story needs to be carefully selected and put together. The story that you share with your child needs to be directly related to the issue at hand. If the problem with your child has to do with a disconnection between the two of you, then share a time in your life where you disconnected from someone or thought about disconnecting.  If the problem with your child has to do with suspect of drug use, then share a time in your life where you or a close friend used drugs or thought about using drugs without ever asking or accusing them of using drugs.

Depending on the situation and history, your child may not come around during the first transparency session, but having the conversation will certainly plant a seed in solid ground that will begin the healing situation for you and your child.

I found a note yesterday from a student I taught last year.  Although there was no name on the note, I know who wrote the note because of the handwriting.  This young girl lives with her mother and has been homeless with her for a spell.  She writes often in her journal about their relationship and how difficult it is for them to get along. They both say hurtful things to one another and often times she is very disrespectful. Her mom doesn't know what to do with her and no matter what, they seem to get in an argument at least once a day.  The father hears what's going on and naturally wants custody of his daughter, and many people hearing this story would think it's the right thing. But my student wants to improve things with her mom. She wants to be with her mother.  It says so in the letter I found.

You can read a copy of my student's letter at www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens and if you haven't liked the FB page be sure to like it and share it with your online friends.

I'm starting a new adventure my friends to help more and more young people have stronger relationships with their parents.  Stay tune to find out how you can be a part of the solution to this much needed issue that thousands of parents and children are facing in society today. There are so many adults with broken relationships with their parents now with the responsibility to have a healthy relationship with their own children. Broken people break people! Hurting people hurt people! I have taken the challenge to bring healing to this problem so that healed people may heal others. Want you join me? To find out how you can help email me at shiradillon@gmail.com and type the word HELP in the subject line.

To get more information on the type of stories to share with your child in order to have your own "Life Class" experience and better relate to your child, grab my new self-help book dedicated to teens and beneficial to adults. Inside you will be able to read numerous transparent stories that show vulnerability, admit mistakes, and are categorize by topic.  Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues takes you step by step through many true stories shared by me and the students I have worked with. It is a perfect example of Life Class in action with helpful tips to bring you towards the conversation you need to have in your own parental relationship.  Go to www.amazon.com/ShiraDillon and get your copy TODAY!

Paris Jackson Suicide Attempt-Being Hospitalized!

June 5, 2013-  CNN and Fox News are amongst the stations reporting that Paris Jackson, the fifteen year old teenage daughter of the late pop singer Michael Jackson is being hospitalized after being found unconscious inside the Jackson's Calabasas home where she lives with her grandmother Katherine Jackson, and her brothers Prince (16) and Blanket (11).  

The entire world watched the Jackson children say goodbye to their father at his funeral which was publicized on television July 7, 2009 to over 31 million viewers and was the second most watched funeral of all time. Saying goodbye to a father due to a premature death would be difficult for any daughter at any age. However, for Paris Jackson, and the rest of the Jackson family, saying goodbye was something that was done in front of a plethora of lights, cameras, and news reporters.  I don't know what kind of help was put into place for the Jackson children after the funeral when the rest of the world went on with work, paying bills, and posting on Facebook about the next big news story, however anyone who suffers the lost of a love one needs to make sure their mind is properly cared for. Yes, the calls, the hugs, and back rubs are all nice physical comforts, but for people, especially young people who have suffered the lost of a love one; they need  mental comfort and treatment as well.  The people affected need to be counseled and educated about the lost of life in a practical way they can understand in order to begin the healing process. I don't know if this was done for Paris Jackson. The 15 year old recently tweeted several cryptic messages on Twitter.  She wrote, "All my troubles seemed so far away now it looks as though they're here to stay." She also tweeted: " I wonder why tears are salty?" Obviously, there are issues still bothering the girl, and 83 year old Katherine Jackson has her hands full raising three kids in a time period she knows little about.

Parents it is crucial that you pay attention and talk to your kids.  Good behavior and good grades in school does not mean that you have a child free of issues.  The teenage years are arguably the most troubling years of a teenager's life.  So while the world reacts to the news of Paris Jackson, who we first got a chance to know during her heartfelt speech at her father's funeral, let's remember that she is a teenager growing up in today's society where the issues of sex, drugs, self-esteem, identity confusion, and loss of a love one are not respecter of persons.  All teenagers, black or white, rich or poor, are battling these issues everyday. According to Paris Jackson's biological mother, Debbie Rowe, the two now have a closer relationship and Rowe admits her daughter's suicide attempt doesn't come as a shock. Paris hasn't been the same since her father's death.

Being a parent is a difficult job, and those who aspire to be great parents have a task that is extremely challenging.  Having the ability to create a life is such an amazing God given gift.  Unfortunately, this gift doesn't come with an instructional manual, or self help book to teach us how to do a great job and how to handle all the numerous challenges that are going to come our way. So the heavy responsibility falls on adults to make sure that as parents we don't just talk at our kids, or talk to our kids, but that we talk with our kids. When we talk with our kids, there's no fear of embarrassment, backlash, or punishment. Talking effectively with our kids is an extremely rigorous task that needs to be taught and practiced regularly in order to eliminate the risk of falling back into the ineffective parenting talk which has produced popular yet damaging cliche's such as "Because I said so." "This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you." and "It's my way or the highway."

As we continue to live in a world divided into "The Haves" and "Have Nots", let us remember that when it comes to teenage issues, being a have or a have not is irrelevant. I think that often times people become desensitize to the problems that takes place amongst those who appear in the limelight.  For those who do not have much money, having millions of dollars and being a celebrity appears to be a dream life.  However, for those who have received those things, they still have to deal with the common universal problems that every person deals with; often times on a greater scale.

- Money cannot stop a teen girl from becoming pregnant,

   it can only pay for an abortion.

-Money cannot stop a drug user from overdosing, 

  it can only pay for rehabilitation.

-Money cannot stop a person from being sick,

  it can only pay for medication to become well.

-Money cannot stop a young person from being sexually abused,

 it can only pay for psychological counseling.

and...

-Money cannot prevent vices that leads to premature death, but it can give you the monetary means to afford greater quantities of the device that can lead to death.  

Here's hoping that the Jackson family get the healing, counseling, and strength they need to overcome one of life's greatest battles...death!

Shira Dillon was born in Gary, Indiana. She holds a Master's Degree in Secondary Education, and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech, Theater, and English Education.  Shira is a SAG/AFTRA actress and comedian that infuses her talents in the entertainment industry, her own childhood experiences of being a teen, and her 15 years of experience in the public school system to help parents and teens all over the country fix their life and relationships.  With the new release of her teen self-help book, Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants:How To Deal With Teenage Issues, Shira has been highly sought out for parenting/teaching consulting, workshops, and speaking engagements.  To learn more about Shira Dillon or for booking information go to www.shiradillon.blogspot.com 

Be a Powerful Parent and Learn How to Make the Most of Your Child's Graduation!

What a wonderful time of the year when young people are graduating from one grade to another.  Friends are posting pictures of Kindergarten Graduations, 5^th grade graduations, 8^th grade graduations, 12^th grade graduations, and even college graduations. I can help but wonder what type of communication is being said at these graduations between parent and child.  I see the families show up dressed in their Sunday best, carrying balloons, flowers, and cards all while wearing a smile that can cheer up a blind man.  The energy in the air is that of joy, accomplishments, and honor, but how effective are the conversations?

Have you ever wondered what's the significance of a graduation ceremony? Has society reduced graduations into another commercial holiday where people spend a lot of money on unneeded gifts and use the occasion to eat a lot of food like we do most holidays? Or do graduations have a different intent and purpose for celebrating?

If you ever research the history of graduations, they were used in order to document a time period in a person’s life where they were exiting one stage and entering into another stage of their life.  Graduations are considered to be “a right of passage” in which all the graduates are gathered together to separate them from the rest of society, speak words over them in order to prepare and transform them for the next phase of their life, and then release them back into society as new people with a new status.  (Sounds a lot like a wedding ceremony doesn’t it?)

Graduations are a time in life where a person gets a chance to slow down form all the hustle and bustle of life and become equip with all the things needed in order to be a successful person at the new stage in their life.

I’m not sure if the traditions we are practicing in learning institutions all over the United States are preparing our graduates for the new stage in their life anymore, but that doesn’t mean as parents, mentors, and relatives of graduates that we don’t take this opportunity to speak words of wisdom, encouragement, and inspiration into the graduates that we know. 

Is your little one graduating from kindergarten?

Use this as an opportunity to help your child transition from a preschool format of learning to a school system that is curriculum and standards centered.  Let your little one know that graduating from kindergarten isn’t about a major accomplishment, but it is a celebration for the road ahead.  A time where your child will begin to develop their skills, talents, and begin to come into their life’s purpose.  Speak good words over your child and send them out into the world ready for the challenge ahead. 

Is your child graduating from Middle School?

Graduations that occur from Middle to High School should be used to open up the conversation between parent and child of all the things high school has to offer; both good and bad.  This is the time period in a child’s life where regardless of who they were before, they are moving on to another phase and so many parents makes the mistake of not having the talk that they need to have with their child now, because they want to wait to see if any of the high school teenage issues will effect their child.  Many parents take a chance and as a result they either remain quiet, or have an ineffective talk with their teenager. As a high school teacher for fifteen years, I am here to tell you that you can’t afford to wait around and not have an effective conversation with your teenager. It doesn’t matter how great your child’s grades are, or no matter how many times they say “Yes Ma’am” all children become exposed to teenager issues and the possibilities of sex, drugs, bullying, peer pressure, depression, etc.  These are the issues that are awaiting your child in high school. A graduation speech from a person selected by the school site council along is not enough to prepare your child for this next stage.  An effective verbal conversation that you have with your child will make a significance difference in the quality of life your child has.

Powerful parents have powerful and effective conversations with their children.  They learn how to say the right words, the right way, and at the right time so their words will not return void but will make a lasting impression on their child. Learn how to talk effectively to your child and be a powerful parent by Clicking Here!

Is your teenager graduating from High School?

Last night, I attended a graduation banquet for my students who are seniors, and I couldn’t help but feel a little sad at the thought that they are all moving on the next phase of their life. There will be no parent to wake them up for school, no one to remind them to do their homework, and n controlled environment of a high school.  These students that are about to enter a new stage of their life called adulthood.  For the first time in their life, these young people will be grown and there are all types of things that are waiting for them at college.  College holds the opportunity for a chance to learn and grow as well as a chance to become distracted and create permanent outcomes that are not apart of the plan to of being on course.

A Charge to Take Action!

After the ceremony, the gifts, pictures, and the “breaking of bread”, I would like to encourage every parent, mentor, and family member of a young graduate to learn how to have an effective conversation with your child. Communication is the biggest cause of misunderstanding and the dissolution of relationships.  People are doing a whole lot of communication, but don’t know how to do it effectively.  That’s where I come in. Allow me to help you effectively communicate.Do not leave this important task  up to the commencement speaker, but make sure you speak your own keynote address as into a child’s life as well!

Get the new book that is uniting parents and teens everywhere. Read true stories about real teen issues the proper way for adults to deal with them. Don't end up with your foot in your mouth. Become a powerful parent by learning how to talk to your child and heal their issues today. Click on the link http://www.amazon.com to place your order and take advantage of the June Graduation Sale Now!

Address your child’s dreams.

Address your child’s fears.

Address all the things that lay ahead waiting for them.

-Shira Dillon

Shira Dillon has a Master's Degree in Secondary Education, and a Bachelor's Degree in Speech, Theater, and English Education.  Shira is a SAG/AFTRA actress and comedian that infuses her talents in the entertainment industry, her own childhood experiences of being a teen, and her 15 years of experience in the public school system to help parents and teens all over the country fix their life and relationships.  With the new release of her teen self-help book, Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants:How To Deal With Teenage Issues, Shira has been highly sought out for parenting/teaching consulting, workshops, and speaking engagements.  To learn more about Shira Dillon or for booking information go to www.shiradillon.blogspot.com 

So Your Children Aren't Acting Right?

More and more teenagers are mouthing off and disrespecting their parents like never before while the world sits back as if the behavior doesn't even exist. I never knew that the release of my new book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How to Deal with Teenage Issues would increase my parenting consulting business. I have more clients than ever before, and no matter what the situation is, they almost all have to do with some sort of behavior issue.  All my clients have concluded that their teenagers are not behaving appropriately.

Being a high school teacher in South Central, Los Angeles for well over a decade makes me know all too well about teenager's with behavior issues. From disrespectful students with a little too much lip,  violent students, or the mischievous teens who like to steal cars and money for fun, there isn't an issue alive that I haven't dealt with or personally witnessed.  So in my attempts to try to understand why there are so many "hard to deal with" teenagers, I asked the one group that knows more about "hard to deal with teenagers" than Oprah, Dr, Phil, and myself put together. I asked a group of "hard to deal with" teens.

After talking to several teens that have all admitted to talking back to their parents, disrespecting their household, and in some cases physically and verbally assaulting their parents or siblings in the house, I learned something very shocking. Every student said they do these things because their aren't any compelling reasons not to.  The parents haven't set the standard that they shouldn't do it.  So why not?Of course, the underlying reason for them doing these things is because there is a bigger issue going on with the teen that may or may not have anything to do with the parent. So in order for parents to eliminate this behavior they need to first do two things...

1. Give the child a compelling reason to stop the behavior.

2. Open up communication to find out the root cause of the behavior and begin treating that problem.


In my last period class, my group of tenth graders were very talkative.  After two intense days of learning and an early dismissal day today, my students were more focused on socializing then on their assignment when they realized class would be over in less than ten minutes.  With little success, most of the students continued to talk more and more as it became closer for them to leave the campus for the day, and no matter what, there was little I was able to do to get the entire class to be completely silent until the students realized that Ms. Dillon never dismisses a talkative class. Beginning day one of the school year, I implemented a rule that says...

"The bell does not dismiss you, I dismiss you. The bell is simply a signal for me to dismiss the class when I see fit.  A talkative class is not fit to be dismissed."

When the dismissal bell rang, silence fell upon the classroom.  The classroom was so quiet that I was able to hear the ceiling lights.  Even the most unruly students can behave when they have a compelling enough reason.  In this case, the compelling reason was that school was out and they wanted to leave the campus. As long as there is a compelling enough reason, I can get any teenager to do behave and follow the rules.  The skills comes in knowing what the compelling reason is for each teen. Find something compelling enough to get a teen to be respectful and well behaved, and the problems with the teenager will begin to cease.  Once that starts the second step to work on the root of the problem behavior which will ultimately result in the child being well behaved.

It's time to transform our teenagers.  I witness teens everyday who talk constantly, do drugs, engage in promiscuous sex, and have a bad attitude around the house with their parents and yet they have the latest gadgets such as cellphones, ipods, video games, designer shoes, purses, make-up, and expensive hair weave that hangs down their back in a variety of different hair colors. (Yes, I mentioned hair weave!) My students have admitted that they will do anything for their parents to continue to give them these items but since they don't have to do anything for them-they don't!

Some parents say that if they take their child's phone, iPod, make-up, or hair weave, the backlash would be so bad that they would rather just let the child have their way.  As parents and as adults, we have to set some standards with our teenagers and then stick to them.  When we stick to our standards we see results, but if we let our guard down, teens will take it as a sign that it's their world and they can do whatever they want.  At the end of the day, if your children aren't acting right, your first line of defense is to give them a compelling reason to act right. Then, get to the root of the teen's problem so the misbehaving teen can transform into a well behaving teen.  Being a parent is a hard job and you deserve to have children that act right.  I'm cheering for you and if you need help, don't hesitate to contact Shira Dillon's Parenting Consultancy today!

Children, (even "Good Ones") are being Charged with Felonies!

One of the things that saddens me the most about being a teacher is the turn over I see amongst the high school students.  I was taught early on in my teaching career to not become too attach to my students, because oftentimes they won't make it to the end of the school year.  I rejected that belief and have painfully lost students who were sent to continuation schools due to behavior problems.  I have had students to leave the school to return to their home country, drop out because they are pregnant, or even worst, students who were arrested and sent to jail.

I use to think that teenagers could not be charged like an adult, but times have changed. In Florida, a 16 year-old girl with a good record was charged with a felony, after her science project exploded in class.  Kiera Wilmot mixed the wrong chemicals together at home for an assignment that resulted in an explosion. Both Kiera's teacher and administrator told the police that they did not believe that this student purposely came to school in attempts to "blow something up", but in this new terrorist fearing era that we live in, that is exactly how the situation was interpreted.  The 16 year-old student was arrested and charged with a felony.

Earlier this school year a 5 year old Pennsylvania girl in Kindergarten was expelled for telling another girl that she was going to shoot her with a Hello Kitty toy gun that blows bubbles. I am currently the mother of a 5-year old boy and while at school he is exposed to all types of words and conversations. I would be very upset if it was my child that was expelled for making a threat with a bubble gun.  Its hypocritical to expect a 5 year old to know better when they see Buzz Light Year and other toys shoot lasers, and McDonald Happy Meal toys shoot arrows. I am led to believe that this kindergartner who made the threat about using her toy Hello Kitty gun did not intend to cause harm to the other girl. However, in today's society, the phrase "Anything you say or do CAN and WILL be used against you in a court of law" is more real now than ever before. When it comes to the option of jail time age is indeed nothing but a number!

This school year I lost two students as a result of one of my students being charged with a felony.  The boy was interested in one of my female students.  He and this female student both had me for English class.  I would watch the boy and the female student quite often. They always wanted to do their work near one another, and the girl often flirted with the boy.  They had several classes together and eventually took their friendship to another level and continued it outside of school. One day I arrived at school to find out that the girl had reported that this male friend of hers had choked her.  Her mom was at the school and they were very upset.  As a result, my male student was charged with several felonies, put on house arrest and will be charged as an adult.  When this occurred the male student was expelled from school, and the female student transferred voluntarily out of fear of being talked about or harmed by his friends.

I am not in a place to say rather or not the boy assaulted her. I am in a place to say I see boys and girls playing and hitting each other all the time and hitting rather it is for play or for real is against school rules. The signs posted at a school saying "No Horse Playing!" are there for a reason.  There are too many opportunities for students to get in trouble now a days and we as parents need to really be involve with our children lives to help prevent these things from happening.  This isn't a bad student issues.  Now a days, felonies are being assigned to kids on their first offense, rather it was intentional or not.  

I would still like to believe that the odds of our children being charged with a felony are slim.  However, I do want to make my readers aware of the things that I see going on everyday in the schools and want to close this blog with the following acronym to help you remember how to be more connected with your child!

                                               P.S.A> Pay, Stay, and ACT                

1. Pay attention to your child's words, actions, and lack of action. 

2. Stay involved with your child's life in every way possible. Keep a healthy relationship with your child so that you'll know what's going on.

3. Actively communicate with your child and Share some of your own imperfections to make sure that you establish a relationship  built on love instead of a relationship full of fear. 

Now this is truly a P.S.A. (public service announcement.) Children, even the "good ones" are being charged with felonies and are getting in more trouble than even before. As parents, lets remain involve and take our role seriously so we can give society and upstanding gift- our children.

Thank you for reading this blog. Feel free to follow me on google+ or join my fan page at www.facebook.com/ParentsTeachersandTeens . To become an even more involved parent in your child's life, and to better understand the teenagers of today purchase my new book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How to Deal with Teenage Issues by Clicking Here! Find me on www.amazon.combuy typing the name Shira Dillon.

Mother/Daughter Relationships: Time for an Honest Evaluation!

On April 29, 2013 I discovered that a mother in the UK forced her 14 year old daughter to get pregnant because the mother desperately wanted another baby of her own. Since she was unable, the mom pressured her young daughter to have a baby for her.  The mother already had three children. The mother purchased sperm over the Internet and used a syringe to impregnate her daughter with the sperm. It worked, but the daughter lost the baby. After the miscarriage, the mother forced her daughter to go through the entire process again, and this time the daughter gave birth to a baby boy.

Why on earth would a mother ask her 14 yr. old daughter to do such a thing?  And why did the 14 year girl reluctantly agree? When I presented this true story to a group of 15 year old girls, their answers were very startling.

"She wanted to gain approval from her mom.  She wanted more love from her mother, and having a baby for her mother was just the act that made her think that perhaps she can finally get the love she wanted." They all explained.

This is exactly what the now teenage mother said her reasons were for allowing her mother to impregnate her so her mother can deceptively raise her daughter's child as her own son.

What is it about mother-daughter relationships that's leaving so many of our young teenagers emotionally damaged and feeling unloved in life.  There is an overwhelmingly amount of students that I taught over the past 15 years that all had some issues with their mother.  Ironically, I noticed that many stories in my new self-help book Sex, Drugs, and Other Elephants: How To Deal With Teenage Issues include stories where their is a problem or the underlying barrier in the problem is the mother /daughter relationship.  This include my own stories I share with my own mom. Of course our barrier was due to her poor health, nevertheless like many of my students, I wasn't satisfied with the amount of love I received from my mother and was effected by it even while trying to understand her illness.  I've noticed that daughters who have fathers can feel love and becomes daddy's little girl despite what many of the dad's imperfections are as a parent. However, when it comes to the mother, oftentimes there is an issue where the daughter does not feel loved enough while the mother doesn't feel appreciated by the daughter. These two perceptions of lack that the mother and daughter experience may result in bigger issues in the relationship.

Some of the most common problems that occur in mother-daughter relationships include...

1.  Jealousy/Competition
2. Physical and Verbal Abuse
3. Favoritism amongst Other Siblings
4. Issues with the "New Man" in the Mother's Life
5. Establishing a Friendship Relationship instead of a Parental Relationship


There's so much emotional and psychological damage that can occur from an impaired mother-daughter relationship that can result in so many other teen issues that it can take an entire lifetime to recover for both parent and child. Wouldn't it make sense to evaluate your relationships with your mother or daughter regularly to make sure that these common problems do not fester into serious issues that will cost you a lot of love, a lot of money, and a lot of lost time.

So in order to keep some of the most common mother-daughter problems under control, I will leave you a tip that will get you well on your way to improve the quality of the mother-daughter relationship.

                               Know Your Role, Accept Your Role, and Play Your Part!

There is no need for the parent and daughter to be jealous of one another. They are not in the same category and competition should not even be a thought.  Parents must learn that they cannot live vicariously through their children and children must know that they cannot be their parent. Yes, daughter's inspire to be like their mom when they are young, but it is the mother's job to cultivate the daughter into her own unique and beautiful self.  No matter how great a mother looks for their age, they are still the mom.  No matter how young a mother was when they gave birth to their daughter, they are still the parent. Act like it!

 When raising a child, there's no time for being best friends. Establishing a parental relationship with your child instead of trying to be their friend is a great way to keep the roles in tact.  Being the mother gives the adult authority in the mother-daughter relationship, but it does not give the mother permission to verbally or physically abuse their children.  Children imitate what they see, and if the mother spend time abusing their authority, rest assured that the daughter will eventually dismiss the mom's authority and lose all respect for the her.  When this happens, it will result in a broken relationship that will serve as the base of many more problems to come.

Don't wait until things explode to do your work and fix your life. Start by honestly facing the issues that you and your teen is experiencing and begin repairing things today.  There's too much at stake not to.

To further this conversation on mother-daughter relationships leave a comment below.

To check out the new self-help book that covers issues like these and many more universal teenage issues Click Here!

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.  Please subscribe to the blog or add me on Google+ so you can receive this blog regularly. If you have any questions and want a free consultation please feel free to email me at shiradillo@gmail.com

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